I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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