just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
