What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
