Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
