I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
