did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
