I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
