Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
