So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
