her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
