absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
