I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
