Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
