what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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