he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
