some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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