??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do vagina's smell?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
