So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
