I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
