If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
