he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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