wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
