Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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