The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
