I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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