Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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