I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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