At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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