My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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