Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
