i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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