I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
