I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
