Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
