so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
