R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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