marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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