i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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