how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
