What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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