wat bout pragnant strippers??
wakey wakey hands off snakey
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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