I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
