Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
