I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
