That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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