I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
