You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think my moral compass just broke
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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