in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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