I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
