So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
