Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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