I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
